After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
