I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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