He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
