Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
