Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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