Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
