On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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