I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
bring money and cleavage
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
