now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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