The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
