i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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