it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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