I am full of burrito and curiosity
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
