How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
