I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
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Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
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I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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