apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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