16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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