You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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