i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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