I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
