I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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