i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
