Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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