I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
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This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????