i wish my penis had a tongue
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.