Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
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She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
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No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."