didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
ok i will unlock the door
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
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It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
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No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!