I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How