I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
