We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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