i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
