textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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