Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
