If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
