Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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