It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
