ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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