What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
