Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
