For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
