You made me cry and you don't even care
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
