he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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