how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
