if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
we have pet lesbian snakes
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
