For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
