I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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