There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
