And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
