it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
