The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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