Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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