3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
