what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
