We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
And then he peed in my hair
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