i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
its liver damage thursday
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
