you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
