I'm so fucking centered right now
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
