I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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