No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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