What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
